What if I Am Missing Something?

My doubts have never been because I feel I don’t have enough information, or that Christianity has some sort of internal inconsistencies. I think I’m cynical and pessimistic by nature, and have chronic depersonalization disorder (well, self-diagnosed). When I doubt, my thoughts are along the lines of, “Yes, all that makes sense, but what if we’re missing something…. what if the truth about the world isn’t beautiful and hopeful and good, but behind everything is, instead, some terrible truth that will consign us to eternal torment because we have missed something?”

I look at people of other faiths who are assured of their being right, and think, “couldn’t that be me, too?” The role depersonalization plays in this is that it makes me feel not real, makes me question my own existence, and can be accompanied with paralyzing fear/anxiety that is just utter darkness. I don’t feel these doubts acutely all the time, or even that often, but I wish that I could shake the feeling that Christianity isn’t real in the same way that the chair I’m sitting on is real.

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One response to “What if I Am Missing Something?

  • Matt

    Hi aphobia, that’s a great post and probably a very commonly shared thing. I believe Christ, if he were to sit with you and listen to your prayer, he would point your decisional abilities to see him, his works, his mercy, kindness and other glories present in the Gospels and trust his Words as we have them in their entirety. Just like you make a willful, hopeful decision to eat a meal in a local restaurant believing they won’t poison you. If you believe their track record to be kind with you, I think Jesus would kindly say, “surely you can trust my Father to reveal to you what he desires you to know in order for you to be most happy in Him.” that is my encouragement to you dear friend

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